I feel like I should have some dramatic music playing in the background for you as you read the title of this post. Ok here goes…
Quick backstory for those of you who don’t already know- a few months ago Hubby and I decided that I would take this year off work. I had built up twelve months long service leave (at half pay) and our son was off to four year old kinder. Anyone who has kids knows that kinder hours can be a bit tricky to work around and I just wasn’t going to be able to pick him up and drop him off each day and work as well. My work approved my leave request and I finished up in January. I was really happy with the decision but also worried. It meant less income and also more time home alone for me, which was great but also a bit scary for me. Why? Because in the past that has been when I’ve struggled with depression; when I’m not working and spending a lot of time alone. So, as I do, I started to plan. I tried thinking of something to keep me busy and earn some extra money. I came up with a little business idea, built a website, brought some stock and launched last month.
If I’m completely honest I knew from the start it wasn’t going to work. Everyone knows if you’re going to start a business it needs to be something you’re really passionate about. I know it has only been a month but the thing is to make it work I need to be willing to put in the time (and money) and frankly, I just don’t want to do it. That’s the truth. It was just all a bit forced. I was looking for something and of course, as is usually the case, when you’re busy looking you can sometimes miss seeing what is right in front of your face!
I wish I had of just waited. I wish I hadn’t worried about the money (because we’re doing just fine). I wish I hadn’t worried about keeping busy; because like looking after my son isn’t enough? Looking after our household and blogging and catching up with friends and just enjoying a bit of me time isn’t enough? Of course it should be enough! I’ve realised this week it is enough.
I recently read the book ‘Big Magic’ by Elizabeth Gilbert (if you haven’t read it yet, do yourself a favour) and it really resonated with me. I realised exactly what I needed to do and so I’m doing it. I’m dropping the business idea…(as soon I wrote that I felt a weight come off my shoulders) and I’m focusing on what’s important right now- my family and myself, the things and the people that I love. I’m letting the ideas come to me rather than forcing them because right now I have that luxury-, I have the luxury of time, a whole year off with a steady income, when will I ever have that again?
I’ve had all of these thoughts swirling around in my head for the past month and it feels good to say it (or write it) out loud. Of course, as the universe would have it, when you free yourself and just accept what will be the opportunities come knocking; I’ve had four awesome opportunities presented to me just this past week so looks like I’m going to be kept busy enough after all ha! But you know, it’s not work when it’s doing something you love.
So thanks for reading, thanks for listening. And thanks also to all my wonderful friends and family who supported me with my business idea.
Have you ever experienced something like this? A time when you found yourself heading the wrong way? A moment when it all became clear? Am I making any sense at all?!