First and Last

Looking back to before I became a parent I’m not really sure how many children I wanted…maybe two? Maybe I pictured myself with two girls (because I have an older sister) but I’m not too sure, I can’t quite remember. But what I do remember is that when I did fall pregnant at the age of 28 I was convinced I was having a boy. We chose not to find out but during my entire pregnancy I pictured myself with a boy and it just felt so right. And then the very minute that beautiful boy of ours was born it immediately felt like out family was complete. And that feeling has not changed.

Because we have an only child we often feel pressured to get things right. The pressure of course comes from only ourselves… we’ve only got one shot at this! Our poor son is totally our guinea pig in this whole parenting caper. It also means that for us, every first is also the last. Next year, our son will be starting school. He is our first child to go to school and our last child to go to school. It’s like a big double whammy right? And I’m feeling all the feels about it….

I’m excited for this next stage, excited to watch our son grow and learn. I’m also scared…will he like school? Will he make friends? Will he get lost? I’m happy to see him become more independent but at the same time sad that he’s growing up and needs me that bit less. Yep, I’m feeling all the feels. I have no doubt I’m going to be a freaking mess on his first day of school, not that I’m going to let my son see that of course, I’m going to be all cool, calm and collected and then when he’s out of sight I plan to burst into tears…good plan right?

So to all your parents who have gone before me, who have seen their first child off to school and maybe their last, what advice do you have for me? How do I deal with all the feels?

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