I’m not sure that I ever really knew exactly how many children I wanted. I guess if you had’ve asked me when I was in my twenties (or even younger) I probably would’ve said two. Maybe because that’s what I knew, it’s what I grew up with; my sister and I. I don’t think I ever saw myself with more than that. But honestly, I never really had it all planned or mapped up; which is a little unusual for me because I’m such a planner, but when it came to kids I never had a set idea or number or even gender in mind. Boy or girl, one, two or more; I didn’t know and I honestly didn’t mind. Until I fell pregnant. For the entire duration of my pregnancy I was convinced I was having a boy. We never found out what we were having but when I pictured our baby, I always pictured it being a boy. And I was right. In August 2011 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and the very first moment I held him, I felt complete. I actually turned to my husband seconds after our son was put onto my chest and said “if ever I want to do this again, remind me of this very moment’. At the time it was more of a joke; after enduring 19.5 hours of labour and a painful forceps delivery I did not want to go through that again any time soon! But looking back, I think in the moment I knew, I didn’t want any more children….and it had nothing to do with the pain of labour at all. It was just a feeling of knowing I had; knowing that this was our family, this was exactly how it was meant to be. Just the three of us. And that feeling hasn’t changed.
Over the past five years my husband and I have been questioned countless times (like seriously, I’ve lost count) about our decision to only have one child. Friends, family, work colleagues and even complete strangers seem to take it upon themselves to lecture us in all the reasons why we simply must have more children. Our son will be lonely and spoilt we’ve been told, he needs a brother/sister they insist. Who will support him when you get older or die? But you’re such good parents…..And the list goes on and on. And I’ve found myself many times feeling the need to justify our decision (when really, I shouldn’t). I feel the need to explain to people just how much I actually do love being a Mum, how entirely besotted I am with our son; because for some reason people seem to equate not wanting any more children with thinking that means you don’t enjoy being a mum. That’s just simply not true.
Our son is now five years old and I’m finding that it is only now that people are finally starting to realise, and maybe even accept, that we won’t be having any more children. Last week, a good friend told me that she thinks our family of three is just perfect that way it is and honestly? It made me want to cry…tears of joy, because I felt like finally, someone gets its, someone sees what we see! We may not be perfect but we certainly are happy and that’s all that matters.
Families come in all shapes and sizes and I think that’s pretty awesome, because seriously how boring would life be if we were all the same? We are lucky that we get to live in a country where we have the freedom of choice; whether we want to have one child or five or none. We are not limited by the Government to only having one child due to over population and we are not having unwanted babies because affordable birth control isn’t readily available. And let’s not forget those who actually don’t have the choice, who cannot conceive and would do anything to have just one baby. We are blessed. For the vast majority of us we do have the choice and we should respect it; simple as that.
Rant over, ha!
Tell me about your family. How many children do you have (if any)? Do you want more? Or if you’ve finished having kids, when and how did you know you were done?